Nukilan

Mungkin betul la kata orang, sesetengah manusia tu memang bukan tercipta untuk kita. Diorang takkan faham kita. Takkan nampak effort kita kecik besar mana pun. Bila kita sampai rasa macam kita je yang beriya tapi pihak sebelah sana macam nak taknak, tu maknanya apa? Kecil hati of course. Kita lah yang ajak kita lah yang plan, lepas tu jawapan yang kita terima pun ada tak ada. Pulak tu ada dapat jawapan "tidak". Aku rasa memang manusia ni semulajadinya "meminta". Kita minta dihargai (aku tak suka guna konsep "dihargai" so aku anggap "minta balasan"). Manusia ni fitrahnya mungkin memang macam tu. Kita nak something in return. Sedangkan tuhan bagi kita rezeki pun kita kadang lupa nak balas balik. Sepatutnya tuhan yang balas balik bila kita taat dekat Dia. Tapi bila Dia dah bagi free free pun kita tak balas dengan baik, bukan lagi nak improve diri sendiri tapi lagi minta yang bukan bukan. Mungkin manusia ni disebabkan lahirnya ada perasaan, bila kita tak dapat apa apa daripada memberi sesuatu, ada pulak perasaan yang tak sedap. Kecil hati tu lah contohnya. Padahal kalau dah ikhlas kenapa nak kecil hati pulak kan? Tapi tula, manusia memang macam tu lah kot. Tapi yelah.. Nama pun manusia, kau aku kita semua manusia. Balik balik kita akan ada perasaan yang sama jugak sama ada baik atau buruk. Bayangkan kalau kita plan something, beriya ni. Macam macam cadangkan, tapi dapat response ala kadar je. Bila tanya cadangan lain, semua acuh tak acuh je. Follow the flow je. Terkilan la sikit. Macam aku cakap, manusia ni perangainya suka "minta balasan". Nak expect orang pun excited macam dia la tu. Nak orang rasa sama macam dia konon. Lagi lagi bila dibagi harapan. Kata rindu tapi setakat rindu pena. Mana la kita tak terkilan. Tapi walaupun kita manusia, tak semua manusia tu sama. Bersyukur la apa adanya. 

Semoga tabah. 

Nukilan seorang kawan. 

Lose-lose situation?

I won't write out any mukadimah, we'll straight to the point here. So here we go. (I think this is part of mukadimah already *insert annoying face*) 

Have you ever feel like someone is giving up on you, which is saddening, but it is a good thing actually? I mean she's giving up on you, of course it hurts your pride because acknowledging the fact that she's no longer be attentive towards you. But you're feeling less burden at the same time. To the fact that she's not gonna hurt because of you anymore. The feeling of no more being guilty. 

There's one story of a guy..

Once, he was so normal, like any other guy. Who wakes up in the morning, went to school-college-work, like a normal person. Then he met this girl, fell in love, and be together. Like an usual normal guy, he was so happy. It was too perfect until he believes that she's the one so he's giving the whole heart into it. When he was at the top of happiness, she brings him down.. Pulling out all the happiness he had. Like 2years of happiness gone in seconds. No one would've imagined that. He was broken hearted, for awhile. Then he got up, learnt something. He was kinda traumatised, terrified, and scared.. To believe in love again (sorry that was cheesy). So he started to focus on things he supposed to from the beginning; family, friends, education-career, future (marriage) stuff like that. 

Love will come, he thought, and it wouldn't be gone, it'll stay.. Someday. 

He started to believe in that. Because he once believed that he should go for it, fight for it and be passionate about it.. In the end, he was hurting himself. He sees no point for putting love into a commitment, not until marriage. He realised back then, when he tried to hold a person, putting labels on it (in a relationship), things either can get any better or any worse. And for him, things got any worse; she gets bored in relationship, someone steals his girl, she cheats. He only thought about happy ending but didn't see the bigger picture. He learnt that love is not something for him to hold, because it might be slipped away. He moved on and never hold to anything like that anymore. He keeps pushing away people, not to answer that he doesn't love that person, but because he does. 

Isn't it ironic? You don't want but you want. You want but you don't want. How on earth a situation can be this difficult. 

Bias writing -- relationship

            I believe if you won’t be able to be understanding, you are not in a right condition to be in a relationship. To understand – one of the most important keys in a relationship.

            I watched this Korean drama (my usual, they know..), not even finish the whole episode yet. So there is a scene of a couple who were just breaking up and the guy was like pleading for forgiveness (that guy cheated on her with his junior, who is also very close to that woman). He explained that it was a mistake, it was just one-sided relationship and because he was tired being in a relationship without having kissed and sleeping together (which can be categorized as not getting anything while being in a relationship – something in return). Anyway, they've been together for approximately 300 days the night this woman figured out about her guy was cheating. Before it happened, they have planned to have their first night of sleeping together.

            On that scene, he said that it was tiring to be in relationship with no kissing and sleeping together, saying that every normal guy would feel the same way he did. He told her that he held in his feelings, trying to be patient until their 300^th days to finally have that kind of normal relationship. He did that because he said he loves her so much that he never rushed into things. He said it was hard to hold it by himself so he slipped away from his focus, made a mistake, end up trapped in his junior’s temptation. But it was happened accidentally and he has no feelings toward his junior.

(I mean, this is insane. Every guy’s excuses are all nonsense)

            So she replied, “You are normal, but I’m the one who’s abnormal.”

            She said she told him before, she asked him to understand that she had this fear. She grew up watching her mom cheated on her dad, she even saw it by herself how her mom deeply in love with another man. For almost 20 years she’s believed that no such love is beautiful – it is disgusting. The fact that she needs to convince herself what she had with him is love, that she should have been kissed him, slept together with him, is yet still uncomfortable to her. It was hard for her too, to make herself believe that she was supposed to feel the love and not being in a fear. So she asked him to understand, if he does truly love her. Despite of her depression and fears, she even agreed to sleep with him on their 300^th days of relationship, but yeah it was all screwed up.

           

            She was explaining all that whilst crying, in the rain. Cliché but it was dramatic I guess, I'm a drama queen anyway. So the guy was pouring in guilt, knowing that he was ultimately wrong and he's never ever got her love again. He apologized and left, in the rain. Cliché again, yet dramatic.

            You see, she was in pain. And he acknowledged that. The only thing she needs from the person she thought the most loveable and caring to her is to understand her. To heal the pain she was enduring for the past 20 years. She’s slowly beginning to accept and learn what love really is. She understands that he was waiting for it so she wiped away all of her fears and decided to give a go. But all along that way, he was expecting something from her, and whilst waiting for that, he was skidding from his main goals – to love and being loyal to her. He didn't understand well his woman’s pain so he lost his focus.

            Just because he said it was a tiring relationship, doesn't mean he has the right to purposely or accidentally cheat on her and make another woman hurt, just like that. That is not love. That is a selfish act. I probably be bias right now cause I only think (and will write) about that guy’s fault. Because it doesn't make any sense, at all.

            Bottom line is, you should understand a person before taking him/her into a commitment. To understand is to learn. To know what kind of person he/she is, personality, character, interests, disinterests, and whatnot. And once you understand him/her, you know you love him/her when you’re so cautious not to hurt him/her through what you've learnt. You expect nothing but happiness for him/her. Being in a relationship is mentally two-sided, it is always give-and-take. If you said so to be in a relationship, you should be ready not to think about only yourself, but for another person. Like, if you decided to do something bad and it affects you, know that it’s not only you, it’ll affect him/her too. If you fail to think of this, you definitely don’t know how to be understanding, and you shouldn't be in relationship. 

P/s The drama is "It's Okay It's Love"

Behind the scenes #shortvacay #friendsforlife

Hello.

I am so carried away bout what we had the other day so i insist to write it out. It's so memorable i'm gonna die (ps: it's so fluffy i'm gonna die) hehehe.

Our friend (mimi and i) all the way from Kedah mai kl melawat kami nak pi jalan jalan uih syoknya tudia! So we had a particular plan on that but the plan was a bit tunggang langgang i don't even know why i mean it's me and mimi, we both like doing crazy things yknow and we just like whatever we just go anywhere we go and we do whatever we wanna do. *double winks*

As a warming up, we went cycling at Taman Botani, Putrajaya. I would say i had a very healthy morning on that day. It's very rare to see myself being productive. Ceh ceh.

But but... people go cycling wearing sport attire and there was this weird girl wearing whatever she wants because it's #typicalsyafira 

Wohoo let's go cycling but firrrst let us take a selfie (possible dialogue i suppose) 

Jemah of the day 

Just about to sweat, we saw this beautiful spot called Astaka Morocco. And i berangan as if i was in Rome something liddat. Because the place is seriously magnificent. 

I was like membebel asking for #ootd kind of shots. Yes #typicalsyafira

And she never gets enough...

Eventhough all the shots tak menjadi...

Effortlessly beautiful she is, she doesn't have to try to look good while i was there like...

Told ya, she never gets enough... *facepalm*

Tak, i bukan hesitate to hug her tapi hugging wasn't my style, i don't even hug my mommy.. I mean do you see how much i'm not into cheesy stuffs? Ok, i wanted to hug her but it's errr pelik, that's it. 

The place wasn't that big but i've already pancit. Kat rumah makan tidur je -.- 

Next destination *drumrolls* Somewhere cold, folded with clouds. *insert an audio of whatever screams be ever* 

We were in New Zealand! *extreme screams you've ever heard*

Looook! Got horsie! Does horsie live well in new zealand? 

She keeps herself busy taking nature pitures (katanya) 

No syafira no, don't look at the camera. Do some pretty poses, not looking here. 

Okay, but not that much...

Hm okay, that would be good. Still, not a pretty pose. 

No no no! Omg what are you doing that's not a pretty pose, not even close. Ughh whatever. Suit yourself. 

The clouds were amaaazing. MasyaAllah SubhanAllah, i couldn't even *choke* It's too chantek! 

Still busy taking pictures of super blooming flowers, didn't even bother about others. Yes she was. (eh ada bendera malaysia lah)

Just when any camera is ready to capture, that 'peace' sign will always appear out of nowhere. Oh whyyy syafira why -.- 

Oh yeap, it wasn't new zealand. It's just... Fraser Hill. Like, whatever *fliphair* 

We went back to kl around 4pm and headed to PickNik, Publika as habib was deathly craving for it. But it was on his treat (omg thank you!). The thing is, i didn't ask enough pocket money from my parents (don't know was it a bad or good thing). After we sent mimi home since her place is quite creepy, i decided to send habib back at Cheras, his cousin's crib, and how foolish i am for not having my phone fully charged, without bringing any powerbank or charger, and the worst of all it was we sesat and had no enough money for tolls. Why you're like this, self? :( Thank goodness, habib's cousin gave me a simple directions heading back to Klang. Luckily i was with my sister, at least i got a companion. Reached home at 2am at last. Such a looooong day, wasn't it? Yeah. But it was fun. Hehe.

Nevertheless, that was a great trip! Probably one of the most awesome trip ever in my life. Truth is, i rarely get any chance to go on any vacation nowadays. To have this little time with little group of best people to go to little place is such a humble way of showing them and myself too, how meaningful this life really is. I am grateful. Yes, couldn't ask for more :')

P/s Why is it too many my pictures instead of mimi's or habib's, while in fact it's somebody else's camera? Because i gila glamer & tak tahu malu. So be it, bye! Hahahahahahahahaha 

Point of view.

Hai, assalamualaikum. Lama tak update, makan bertahun la jugak. Sebab? Takde sebab yang spesifik pun. Saje taknak update, ni update pun saja saja jugak. 

Nak kabor ni. Tak berapa puas hati. Orang sedia maklum, orang yang saya kenal dan yang kenal saya lah, saya ni kurus. Kurus melidi. Bukan kurus cantik. Biasa orang tegur pun bukan tegur puji. Tegur pelik. Kata saya tak makan misalnya. Bukan saya tak makan, badan saya taknak naik. Nak buat macam mana. Ish stress saya.

Kalau ditanya, memang saya suka tengok model model kurus badan panjang ni. Senang cerita, adore lah. Suka la jugak tengok program modelling tu semua. Sekadar suka la, tak kenal pun deme. Tahu kenapa? Sebab saya nak build my confidence. Model model ni semua kurus kering, muka sebelum make up pun sama je macam saya. So saya fikir macam tu la lebih kurang. Sebab semua orang tak perfect, tapi kita jangan jahil dengan diri sendiri. Kena tahu cari special details tentang diri sendiri. So.. itulah.

Tapi ramai tak tahu, tak semua orang kurus nak jadi kurus. I mean, yang macam saya ni tak mintak pun kurus macam orang tak sihat/makan macam ni. Jangan kata saya tak cuba gain weight, saya dah cuba tapi tak boleh. Saya makan normal, macam orang biasa jugak. Tapi saya kurus melidi. Bukan saya tak bersyukur tapi what do you expect bila setiap kali saya jumpa orang, benda yang sama orang akan tanya. Saya pun manusia, tahu penat. Tahu fed up. Nak jawab benda sama, cuba bagi orang faham tapi semua orang tak faham faham.

Dan saya hairan, kenapa perlu dengki dengan saya kalau awak tak boleh nak kurus? Maaf bukan niat saya nak biadap tapi awak terlebih dahulu biadap dengan saya. Saya pun ada masalah dengan diri saya, sama macam awak yang ada masalah kegemukan, tapi jangan sebab masalah tu awak sakitkan hati orang lain. Some of them yang kurus memang berusaha untuk kurus. No pain no gain la. Saya sendiri kagum. So kalau awak nak kurus, you have to work for it. Bukannya makan tak ingat dunia, tak exercise lepas tu kata saya macam macam. Amboi saya ni punching bag awak ke?

Situasi kita sama je. Kalau awak susah lose weight, saya pula susah gain weight. Which is, bukan benda yang baik. Orang macam saya kena gain weight, bila gain even 1kg dah bersyukur yang teramat. Because we, people like us, need to be healthy. Bukan kurus melidi macam ni.

So yes if you considered yourself as a human being, we gotta help and motivate each other and not otherwise. Janganla kata saya macam macam dan i play the rule "if you respect me i'll double respect you".

 Saya pos macam ni bukan sebab sorang dua yang 'bergurau' dengan saya. Dah terlalu ramai. Sampai saya penat. Macam saya cakap tadi, saya manusia jugak. Kan? 

The 200 noob shitty things here we go!

Hi and assalamualaikum.

Bonjour people.

This entry was actually kept in draft, I typed this on 30th Jan so this is it..

I found this on Tumblr while scrolling around. It would be really great to put this as my new update (ceh konon). Stories happened everyday but I hardly get my times on here. Well.. as if anyone would even care.

Ignore my grammar mistakes. I don't live to stare at my grammar like 24/7-ly.

200: My crush's name is: [UPDATED] Myself.
199: I was born in: Klang, Selangor.
198: I am really: Uninteresting (?)
197: My cellphone company is: Blackberry
196: My eye color is: Black
195: My shoe size is: 6 or 7. Depends.
194: My ring size is: How would I know this...
193: My height is: 168 cm.
192: I am allergic to: Sea foods.
191: My 1st car was: Not even yet.
190: My 1st job was: Promoter. (part-time)
189: Last book you read: Aa+Bb (Hlovate)
188: My bed is: Sexy.
187: My pet: I don't have one.
186: My best friend: Confidential.
185: My favorite shampoo is: Pantene.
184: Xbox or ps3: PS3.
183: Piggy banks are: What the hell is this?
182: In my pockets: Nothing. Or.. might be butterflies.
181: On my calendar: 6th Feb is ticked, I will be coming homeee~~
180: Marriage is: Commitment.
179: Spongebob can: Be so stupid yet adorable.
178: My mom: My Saviour through hells and heavens.
177: The last three songs I bought were? I don't buy songs, I freely downloaded.
176: Last YouTube video watched: Keluarga Iskandar, I guess.
175: How many cousins do you have? Too many. Like seriously.
174: Do you have any siblings? I do. Three of all em.
173: Are your parents divorced? NO.
172: Are you taller than your mom? Of course ;)
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope.
170: What did you do yesterday? Went to class, library, got back, sleep and watched dramas.
[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: I do.
168: Luck: I do.
167: Fate: I do.
166: Yourself: I do. Or maybe just 80% believed...
165: Aliens: I don't.
164: Heaven: I do.
163: Hell: I do.
162: God: I do, absolutely.
161: Horoscopes: NO I DON'T.
160: Soul mates: I do.
159: Ghosts: I don't, but I believe there're existed out there.
158: Gay Marriage: BIG NO NO NO.
157: War: I don't.
156: Orbs: I do.
155: Magic: I don't.
[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs.
153: Drunk or High: Both no.
152: Phone or Online: Online.
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired FTW!
150: Blondes or Brunettes: I don't know.
149: Hot or cold: Hot.
148: Summer or winter: I want both :(
147: Autumn or Spring: Both *scream* :(
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Both please.
145: Night or Day: Night.
144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges.
143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly.
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds.
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate.
140: Mac or PC: I never use Mac so yeah PC, what a noob..
139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops? I'd rather choose flats but for this time, heels.
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor, for sure.
137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi.
136: Hillary or Obama: Who the hell are they?
135: Burried or cremated: I am Muslim.
134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing.
133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel.
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Kat McPhee.
131: Small town or Big city: Big city.
130: Wal-Mart or Target: I don't know any of these.
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler!
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Both no no no.
127: East Coast or West Coast: Do I have to choose this?
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthday. Or never both.
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate.
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney.
123: Yankees or Red Sox: What bullshit is this?
[ Here's What I Think About ]
122: War: Nonsense.
121: George Bush: Who is he?
120: Gay Marriage: Hell is waiting.
119: The presidential election: Idgaf.
118: Abortion: You go hell with those gays.
117: MySpace: Old school!
116: Reality TV: Drama.
115: Parents: Eternal.
114: Back stabbers: Idgaf.
113: Ebay: Idgaf.
112: Facebook: New gossips.
111: Work: I don't know.
110: My Neighbours: They are good people.
109: Gas Prices: Why ask this dumb question?
108: Designer Clothes: A bit weird sometimes.
107: College: Assignments.
106: Sports: I hate this.
105: My family: My infinite love.
104: The future: Husband and kids.
[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: Forever alone. Har har har.
102: Last time you ate: 8pm this night, approximately 3 hours ago.
101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: I don't quite remember who I'd met.
100: Cried in front of someone: 1-2 years ago.
99: Went to a movie theater: Last two weeks.
98: Took a vacation: 2 years ago.
97: Swam in a pool: I never swim. I don't even know how to. Lame.
96: Changed a diaper: When my little sister was a baby and now she's 13.
95: Got my nails done: Just now.
94: Went to a wedding: Last semester break.
93: Broke a bone: Never I guess.
92: Got a peircing: When I was a little.
91: Broke the law: Every now and then \m/
90: Texted: Couple hours ago.
[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: Nana, my college friend.
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: The smell of it, foods at home and them :(
87: The last movie I saw: 3AM
86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: Married and having a son.
85: The thing I'm not looking forward to: I have no idea.
84: People call me: Syaa / Ira / Fira / Keding, etc.
83: The most difficult thing to do is: Assignments.
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Train ticket (?)
81: My zodiac sign is: Pisces.
80: The first person i talked to today was: Nana.
79: First time you had a crush: Since I was born. LOL.
78: The one person who I can't hide things from: Myself.
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I don't remember such thing.
76: Right now I am talking to: Nobody.
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Work, go for degree, work, be married.
74: I have/will get a job: At the age of 21 or 22, insya'Allah.
73: Tomorrow: Go class, submit assignments, study.
72: Today: It was scorching hot.
71: Next Summer: I will eat a lot.
70: Next Weekend: I will be going back to Klang! *dancing*
69: I have these pets: I don't have one.
68: The worst sound in the world: Snakes.
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My mom.
66: People that make you happy: My mom.
65: Last time I cried: You repeated this stupid question.
64: My friends are: Accompanies.
63: My computer is: My friend.
62: My School: Lots of memories.
61: My Car: I don't have one.
60: I lose all respect for people who: Have no manners with elders.
59: The movie I cried at was: Too many to list.
58: Your hair color is: Blacky brown.
57: TV shows you watch: A LOT.
56: Favorite web site: I am not very sure.
55: Your dream vacation: Old Trafford, 4 seasons country, beautiful island.
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Everyday.
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Whatever as long as it's cooked.
52: My room is: Childish.
51: My favorite celebrity is: Kardashians (?) Hahaha.
50: Where would you like to be: Home.
49: Do you want children: 200%!
48: Ever been in love: Yes :)
47: Who's your best friend: Stfu.
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Guy friends.
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Been noticed to someone.
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My mom.
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Get a regular job, be married.
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No.
41: Have you pre-named your children: Yes yes yes.
40: Last person I got mad at: That bitch.
39: I would like to move to: My own place.
38: I wish I was a professional: I don't wish that. LOL.
[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: Gummy bears.
36: Vehicle: Car, even with no driving license. I just like being in a car :p
35: President: Idgaf.
34: State visited: Never been a favourite.
33: Cellphone provider: The suck maxis cause I've been using only that one.
32: Athlete: Lee Chong Wei.
31: Actor: Too many to list.
30: Actress: Angelina Jolie.
29: Singer: Too many to list.
28: Band: Not interested.
27: Clothing store: Padini.
26: Grocery store: Tesco.
25: TV show: Too many many many. I am a TV obsesser.
24: Movie: Lemony Snicket's - A Series of Unfortunate Events
23: Website: Not sure, you idiot.
22: Animal: Cats.
21: Theme park: Genting Highland.
20: Holiday: Every holiday is my favourite.
19: Sport to watch: Football.
18: Sport to play: I hate playing sports.
17: Magazine: Seventeen, luls.
16: Book: Not so into it.
15: Day of the week: Friday!
14: Beach: Pangkor, I guess.
13: Concert attended: Never been in a concert.
12: Thing to cook: Spaghetti and macaroni.
11: Food: Expensive ones :p
10: Restaurant: Too many to list.
9: Radio station: Hitz.fm
8: Yankee candle scent: What the hell?
7: Perfume: Miracle by Lancome.
6: Flower: Roses. Har har typical.
5: Color: Dark colour, anything dark.
4: Talk show host: Ryan Seacrest.
3: Comedian: Korean variety shows people. Like they are hilarious!
2: Dog breed: The hell?
1: Did you answer all these truthfully ? Har har har who cares?!

So shine bright! Tetiba. Kalau boring seronok buat benda ni, serious. K bye.

Patah hati? So wuttttt

Bonjour.

Kenapa dan mengapa kau patah hati actually tak payah ditanya dan tak patut dijawab. I know I shouldn't say this tapi takpelah tetap nak cakap (tulis) jugak. Suka aku lah.

Bercinta bersayang berrindu. Perkara normal, semua benda jadi best walau hanya dengan makan jajan tepi longkang. Everyone wants that. Aku pun nak, best kot!

Patah hati ditipu dikhianati. Terjadi hari hari disekeliling kita (ayat berita surat khabar kau jah), faktab bak kata Terfaktab. Takde sape nak benda tu jadi. Kau rasa dunia tak adil, semuanya tak adil. Kau tanya, perlu ke semua tu jadi lepas apa yang kau dah lalui?

Tapi kau tak tau satu benda - kau tak layak persoalkan ketentuan Tuhan. Sape kau? Malaikat pun takde hak, inikan lagi manusia jalanan macam kau.

Sehebat mana pun kita, cukup 5 waktu solat setiap hari belum tentu boleh menjanjikan seseorang tu layak untuk 'bertanya'. Perasaan adalah anugerah yang Dia bagi untuk semua orang, bezanya samada ianya sama berbalas atau cuma kau sorang yang rasa. Tapi kalau dulu sama, sekarang tak? then so what? People change. That's why we call them humans. Humans aren't perfect, they're suck. So what?

You gotta deal with it.

Perasaan tak boleh dipaksa. Ibaratnya lah kau dah bercinta dengan dia 8 tahun sekalipun pastu tetiba hati dia berubah, walau dengan cara salah sekalipun, selagi kau berdua belum kahwin, tu bukan dugaan namanya. Tu lakhanat seorang manusia tak reti bersyukur.

Tapi tak boleh jugak, dah memang dia takde feeling kat awak. Tuhan dah tarik semua perasaan dia kat awak, macam mana sekalipun mesti ada sebab. Cuba awak fikir, even awak tak tau pun apa sebabnya, kalau dia yang terbaik untuk awak, untuk jadi suami/isteri awak nanti, Tuhan takkan senang senang nak biarkan dia berubah perasaan.

Dan kita jugak takde hak untuk salahkan si pendosa. Dia goda boyfriend kau, dia main cinta dengan girlfriend kau, so what? Tak jadi semua tu kalau perasaan tak ada. Dia buat salah, habis kau tu tak buat salah? Sebab tu dalam hidup kita kena give and take, forgive and forget.

Perasaan tu penting, itulah yang memulakan segala-galanya. Walaupun nampak kejam, tapi kalau dah takde mutual feelings tu, tinggalkan lah. Memula memangla susah nak lupa, rasa macam nak makan racun tikus simbah asid kat muka sendiri nak bagi lupa punya pasal. Tapi kalau niat baik mesti Tuhan akan tolong.

Allah is the best planner. Perasaan tu tanggungjawab, sekali kau dah ada perasaan yang sama antara dua orang lelaki dan perempuan, still korang kena jaga dan respect. Tapi kalau takde, kau tak boleh paksa. Mungkin ada tapi bukan sekarang dan mungkin jugak takde langsung. Tu pun tanggungjawab, which is for Him. Serahkan pada Dia sebab, again.. Allah is the best planner.

Patah hati? Sedih boleh, tapi 10 saat je k.

P/s Kalau dah kahwin, lain ceritanya. Masalah sekarang, aku belum kahwin. Eh.

Mind your own business la.

Bonjour.

I supposed to blog this kind of thing in my another blog which is Amarah (well, by looking at its content, I think it should) But in anyways I want this thing to be revealed publicly as if they'd read this crap and know what I'm intending to tell. It's a big deal for me.

I haven't post anything bad about me neither my family matters (if there's one or two, it was just unintentionally) I hardly believe on phrase of pekung didada jangan dibuka. All of anyone who's behind me that would be particularly my family, I will never badmouth anything about them. Unless it's something light macam annoying ke, kedekut ke, attitude yang tak disenangi ya know.. But there's nothing yang memburukkan or menjatuhkan air muka to be told to others about my family. They are part of me, why on earth I should be telling bad things about them. That does make sense enough, bro.

It comes to the turning point when people nearby badmouth about my family -- my dad, my mom and even my sister and brother. Well, it hurts a lot. So rather than hearing all the people's badmouths, I preferred to intentionally tell everyone what's going on with my family. So deal with me.

My father should have his pencen next year which when he's aged 55 on 2013 but he took VSS (Voluntary Separation Scheme) due to business slowdown of the company he worked for; Toshiba Electronic. It happened 2 years ago. Just when he got jobless, he settled down all the debts of credit cards, loans of house and car, etc. Through all of it, my family have been on economic decline so we all live in a very critically modest way. At first, my dad sold his car (basically it's family car since we got only one car), then mom sold her scooter and my parents even have their planning to sell the house. Fortunately, the house wouldn't be sold since abah is trying very hard to save that house. Well, it's been somewhat like 15 years already since we lived in it. Too much of memories in the house. My youngest sister was fully grown up in that house. Currently, my dad works as a security guard at Reneases (or whatever it names) to stabilize back our family economy. Yes, from a store manager to a security guard. Is there any big problem with that? And yes, we live without car and even a motorcycle.

I know it looks awfully pathetic. From what people can see, the family that used to be fine -- so fine that we all bore to get into a high class restaurant, go for a sweet vacation and shopped all the way at any shopping malls, now changed into a family that needs to work on every bits to live and survive. People around would say anything, good and bad things at the same time. But who you are to label anything you wanted towards my family? My family can endure all the dugaans, my parents have their own planning, sooner or later we'll be all right. Indeed there are times we were stressed out but you as the society shouldn't burden us. I never asked any of you for help so tak payah lah nak mengata mengutuk pulak kan.

Imagine you and your family are in our shoes, what you'd feel when the society badmouthing your family. It sucks weyyy tolongla faham. Aku dah la belajar jauh dari family, belajar pulak tak habis lagi. Diri sendiri pun tak tertanggung. How I wish I have my own job dalam keadaan macam ni. Then what do you expect, people. Rezeki masing-masing Tuhan dah tentukan, your life has its upside down kan? Kalau dah kena kat batang hidung sendiri, hah serve your right.

Chiou!

Tak dilahirkan untuk mencintai kem.

Bonjour.

Aku baru balik dari Kembara Survival Camp (aku tak tahu apa nama penuh kem tu) semalam. Ni nak cerita tanpa gambar sebab aku tak bawak kamera pun pergi sana.

Kem ni under kokurikulum dan ianya wajib, kalau kem ni tak wajib hell no lah gamaknya. Fyi, aku paling benci kokurikulum sekaligus membenci akitiviti aktiviti sebegini rupa terutama sekali kem. Memandangkan masa sem 1 aku dah tergolong dalam kalangan Kembara Kesatria, sem 2 dan 3 aku kena continue benda alah ni sebab Kembara Kesatria memang kau tak boleh tukar sampai lah sem 3. Dan sem 4 kau akan bebas daripada menghadap koku jadah ni (aku memang tertunggu-tunggu saat tu) Oh damn, how to do.. so aku terpaksa jugaklah sambung.

Kembara Survival Camp ni held on for 3 days at D'puncak Beris. Aku rasa camtu lah kot nama tempat kem tu, aku tak pernah nak ambik tau sebab pergi pun kerna terpaksa kan? Masa on the way nak kesana, bas siswi sesat sebab apehal entah pakcik tu tak tau jalan pulak kan. Aku lagi seronok sebab dalam bas tu aku boleh tidur. Peace (Y)

Sampai sana around 9 p.m kot. Lepas solat, kitorang diberi brief information tentang kem, rules & regulation, and all stuffs. Gerak ke satu pulau yang aku tak ingat apa nama pulau tu, memandangkan sekarang line tengah slow gila so aku malas nak Google. Sampai je kat pulau kitorang kena buat Night Walk. Siapa yang biasa pergi kem tahu lah kan apa itu Night Walk? Aku seumur hidup sampai ke hari aku kat pulau tu memang tak pernah buat Night Walk. Cuak la jugak aku masetu sebab dia lepaskan one by one dan aku adalah orang kedua terakhir yang dilepaskan. Mula je masuk hutan aku dah salah arah, nampak sangat takde bakat langsung. Lepastu dorang suruh ikut setiap lampu merah. Mata aku punya satu masalah dimana setiap kali aku nampak cahaya dalam gelap, mata aku akan convert cahaya tu ke satu warna atau bentuk yang lain. Contohnya, masa aku nampak first lampu merah yang menyala, aku cuba carik another lampu merah tapi mata aku dah mula berpinar-pinar sebab aku boleh nampak lampu hijau dan bayang-bayang orang. Padahal benda tu simpe je pun. Serious memang sakai dan yes aku benci aktiviti bodoh tu.

Malam tu kitorang tidur kat dalam hutan berlantaikan bumi berbumbungkan langit. Dapat tidur pun cuma satu jam. Perasaan aku time tu? Sakit hati. Aku baru je baik demam, dah pulak kena tidur outdoor camtu buat benda yang aku tak suka lagi. Haih punya lah sakit hati. Pagi tu kitorang kena masak breakfast sendiri, team aku buat roti bakar dan sup ayam instant. Nasib baik sedap, takdela aku nak menyumpah ranah. Haha. Untuk lunch, kitorang kena buat Treasure Hunt dulu baru dapat bahan bahan yang nak masak tu. Ada 3 checkpoints dan checkpoint yang paling aku benci adalah checkpoint dimana kitorang kena pass air melalui straw ke dalam cawan. Benda tu serious EUW gila! Air yang kitorang kena pass tu sangat menjijikkan. Tak silap aku air tu isinya kicap, sos tiram dan air tasik. Sampai sekarang pun aku masih terbayang-bayang rasa dan bau busuk air tu. Eiiii unforgettable doh.

Bila dah dapat semua bahan bahan, mereka yang lain pun dengan semangatnya memulakan aktiviti Jungle Cooking. Aku pulak dengan malasnya nak taknak je tolong ahli kumpulan aku. Dah kata terpaksa, jadi semua benda aku buat pun terpaksa. Masa memasak aku banyak tolong tengok je, takpun aku just tolong ambik air kat tasik, basuh bekas. Takat tuje. Ikutkan makan pun aku taknak tapi disebabkan makanan tu banyak sangat dorang masak, dorang paksa jugak suruh habiskan. Makanan masak dalam hutan apeje yang sedap? So faham fahamlah camne rasanya nasi, ayam dan sardin yang dorang masak tu.

Petang tu kitorang balik semula ke base camp. Alhamdulillah. Itu yang aku nanti nantikan. Aku tak boleh tahan hidup dalam hutan tu. Nak kencing pun aku sanggup tahan. Haha. Kalau ikut plan asal, petang tu kitorang kena buat Water Confident - Lake Crossing. Tapi disebabkan masalah teknikal yang tak dapat dielakkan, aktiviti tu terpaksa dibatalkan. And again, alhamdulillah. Sebabnya aku tak bawak kasut getah, tak bawak kasut lebih dan aku taknak bawak balik baju yang basah. Geli okay? Dorang semua merungut sebab tak dapat buat benda tu. I was like.. hello? kenapa lah korang suka sangat benda benda camtu :\

Malam tu pulak aktiviti bersama komander. Aktiviti malam tu rilex je takde tough mana so aku okay jela, macam main explorace gitu. Tidur pun awal. Haih what a relief.

Esoknya pula bangun macam biasa buat aktiviti pagi lepastu breakfast then kelas aku kena buat test. Test tu pun senang je, takde benda sangat. Habis je test, buat majlis penutup. The end. Part tak bestnya, bas sampai lambat so kena tunggu bas tu dok tercanguk je kat sana. Sampai je kolej aku terus mandi sebab sepanjang kat sana memang aku tak mandi. Tuhdia baqhang ~

Apa yang aku boleh katakan tentang kem ni walaupun bagi sesetengah orang akan kata best (well mostly said it was interesting) Pada aku, ianya tetap satu perkara yang tak best langsung. Aku bukan seorang yang sukakan cabaran, aku tak suka buat perkara yang extreme. Satu lagi, aku tak suka teamwork. Ini semua bukan jiwa aku. Bukannnnnnn. Aku memang tak suka :S

P/s Ada sorang mamat KL tu comel gila bila masuk hutan buat something yang dia tak biasa buat. Haha. Dan aku benci sorang minah dalam kumpulan aku tu sebab apa yang aku buat atau cakap mesti dia nak bangkang. Muka bajet lawa sangat je. Dah lah, kbye.