Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Bias writing -- relationship

            I believe if you won’t be able to be understanding, you are not in a right condition to be in a relationship. To understand – one of the most important keys in a relationship.

            I watched this Korean drama (my usual, they know..), not even finish the whole episode yet. So there is a scene of a couple who were just breaking up and the guy was like pleading for forgiveness (that guy cheated on her with his junior, who is also very close to that woman). He explained that it was a mistake, it was just one-sided relationship and because he was tired being in a relationship without having kissed and sleeping together (which can be categorized as not getting anything while being in a relationship – something in return). Anyway, they've been together for approximately 300 days the night this woman figured out about her guy was cheating. Before it happened, they have planned to have their first night of sleeping together.

            On that scene, he said that it was tiring to be in relationship with no kissing and sleeping together, saying that every normal guy would feel the same way he did. He told her that he held in his feelings, trying to be patient until their 300th days to finally have that kind of normal relationship. He did that because he said he loves her so much that he never rushed into things. He said it was hard to hold it by himself so he slipped away from his focus, made a mistake, end up trapped in his junior’s temptation. But it was happened accidentally and he has no feelings toward his junior.

(I mean, this is insane. Every guy’s excuses are all nonsense)

            So she replied, “You are normal, but I’m the one who’s abnormal.”

            She said she told him before, she asked him to understand that she had this fear. She grew up watching her mom cheated on her dad, she even saw it by herself how her mom deeply in love with another man. For almost 20 years she’s believed that no such love is beautiful – it is disgusting. The fact that she needs to convince herself what she had with him is love, that she should have been kissed him, slept together with him, is yet still uncomfortable to her. It was hard for her too, to make herself believe that she was supposed to feel the love and not being in a fear. So she asked him to understand, if he does truly love her. Despite of her depression and fears, she even agreed to sleep with him on their 300th days of relationship, but yeah it was all screwed up.
            She was explaining all that whilst crying, in the rain. Cliché but it was dramatic I guess, I'm a drama queen anyway. So the guy was pouring in guilt, knowing that he was ultimately wrong and he's never ever got her love again. He apologized and left, in the rain. Cliché again, yet dramatic.

            You see, she was in pain. And he acknowledged that. The only thing she needs from the person she thought the most loveable and caring to her is to understand her. To heal the pain she was enduring for the past 20 years. She’s slowly beginning to accept and learn what love really is. She understands that he was waiting for it so she wiped away all of her fears and decided to give a go. But all along that way, he was expecting something from her, and whilst waiting for that, he was skidding from his main goals – to love and being loyal to her. He didn't understand well his woman’s pain so he lost his focus.

            Just because he said it was a tiring relationship, doesn't mean he has the right to purposely or accidentally cheat on her and make another woman hurt, just like that. That is not love. That is a selfish act. I probably be bias right now cause I only think (and will write) about that guy’s fault. Because it doesn't make any sense, at all.

            Bottom line is, you should understand a person before taking him/her into a commitment. To understand is to learn. To know what kind of person he/she is, personality, character, interests, disinterests, and whatnot. And once you understand him/her, you know you love him/her when you’re so cautious not to hurt him/her through what you've learnt. You expect nothing but happiness for him/her. Being in a relationship is mentally two-sided, it is always give-and-take. If you said so to be in a relationship, you should be ready not to think about only yourself, but for another person. Like, if you decided to do something bad and it affects you, know that it’s not only you, it’ll affect him/her too. If you fail to think of this, you definitely don’t know how to be understanding, and you shouldn't be in relationship. 

P/s The drama is "It's Okay It's Love"

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